I am a physics major. The reasoning for this isn’t very well-developed, but I am not regretting or reconsidering my choice. It just goes something like this: I enjoy science, but loathe finding myself illiterate in one of its major subdivisions. In short (as overly self-assured as it sounds), it’s the one science I don’t know anything about yet.
Of course, one could argue along the lines of, well, you don’t know orgo or molecular bio - why should physics take precedence? But I find these criticisms don’t perturb me: do I seek to be consistent or need to justify these things, even to myself? Though the basis of knowledge is somewhat arbitrary and fluctuates from one time period to the next, physics seems as good a choice as any.
So, after laboring at physics for two years and completing most of my requirements: Do I like physics? Have I learned physics as I set out to do?
Physics is hard. It often feels like a lot of getting a pset back with a grade like 70something (when a 50something or lower was probably deserved) while watching everyone else get 100s or at least 90s (confirmed by class histograms; it’s not just some confirmation bias). It’s a lot of waving my hand around and what feels like bluffing my way through a problem. I couldn’t even tell you the formula for capacitance (thanks to the more advanced ver). But is it worthwhile?
I think so. Working through these problems makes me much aware of my (very acute) limitations. I’ve to learn that I can do better if I put in more effort – that concept, of being agentive in my own future, is still somewhat foreign to me. Physics becomes a tool through which I am developing my own character, something becoming increasingly important to me.
What would I major in if my character development were further along though? Or in other words, what subject actually appeals most to me? A trickier question, for certain. In high school, I already believed chemistry was not that interesting to me, and generally felt somewhat ‘solved’ (I’m sure this is perfectly unfair to all the chemists) - despite my only exposure coming from APs and science bowl. Biology, too, felt a little silly (at least at the high school level), and the understandings which come from memorization may be interesting to teach, but not to major in. Plus, research in both feel rather…applied, for my taste.
I remember asking a high school friend whom I looked up to what he wished to major in. When he responded with astronomy, I was pretty amazed; for some reason, I hadn’t thought that was truly an option, a thing that people went out and actually did. The subjects taught in school had severely limited my conception of the space of possibilities. From there (alongside a summer program’s professor’s recommendation), I decided to go with physics, checking off course 8 with mild disbelief on my own part. Coming into MIT, I also picked up the notion of going into linguistics, despite never having taken a course in it. And this year (sophomore), I realized it’s definitely more of a minor-level hobby for me, and I opted to concurrently pursue EAPS instead. But here too I’m noticing some trend of liking the first three classes, then quickly becoming disillusioned and growing tired of derivations or niche knowledge.
So onto the untouched possibilities. What about math? Many a friend of mine is a math major. It is so elegant, and so entirely unlike what I imagined myself doing. But everyone I know is so accomplished in this field already; entering the world of abstract math without a solid foundation seems like such an uphill struggle. I watch the ease with which the people I know solve these problems I don’t even understand… they’ve developed this intuition that I feel so lacking in, that I do not believe I could just start learning now. In some parallel universe, I’d’ve loved to have done this. But my poor brain is does not feel up to the challenge this time around. I look on them all with admiration, awe, and some amount of quiet jealousy.
In this universe, then, what would I major in if it were all the same to anyone? That is, where do my passions lie, if indeed I have any? Geology? perhaps, though that may lose its appeal after a few more classes (for I enjoy variety, and the notion of generalists). but I think there’s a more obvious answer still: literature.
What, you say, not STEM?! And indeed, this is my reaction on some level. But I do wish I took more literature classes, and it is probably the academic thing I enjoy doing most: reading, thinking, and writing on those thoughts. Of course, I’d still happily elect to take sciences, languages, and other courses - but what could be more satisfying than fully and deeply exploring thoughts set down in books? But alas, I was “a STEM person” by simple virtue of succeding at it in high school, and thus ‘twas never to be.